Fan fiction

I love fanfiction. It's so hilarious. Really. Read some. Especially when it's deep.

Paper flowers hanging from a noose
This life I had to choose
Poisoned sweets upon my tongue
All my life has come undone
Locked away inside an attic
My whole life had turned to static
You look at us with your cold eyes
But its her that I despise
Locking us away for your own pleasure
My hatred is something that I treasure
Is money so divine?
Myself, lost and I cannot find
I’m just waiting to unwind
My brother’s love, a sin divine
Lying awake on that old mattress
With him, I’m his princess
Don’t let there be life
Please, dear God, don’t let there be life.
Little boy, his life had ended
Wasted away while she pretended
Lying in a shallow grave
No one will ever know his name
All my life has come undone
Locked away inside an attic
My whole life had turned to static
You look at us with your cold eyes
But its her that I despise
Locking us away for your own pleasure
My hatred is something that I treasure
Is money so divine?
Myself, lost and I cannot find
I’m just waiting to unwind
My brother’s love, a sin divine
Walking into the sunlight
Limping away from endless night
No more bars, no more God!
I love you, you did say
When the time comes, I’ll make you pay
I’ll make you regret
Planting flowers in the attic.


Oh god.

Chapter 11, or Christopher's Exploration. And Its Repercussions.

The title of this entry is the actual title of the chapter (the others haven’t been). It’s just so perfect in every sense. Anyway.

Cathy’s asleep when the chapter opens, but she is quickly grabbed out of Dreamland by her mother’s rough hands. She demands to know where Chris is. When Cathy tells her that he went to explore, Momma flips out. She’s about to go look for him when he comes through the door. She smacks him around a little, and threatens to whip both the older children, as well as keep them locked up in the attic forever. Then, like every good abuser, she covers him with kisses and shoves him against her heaving bosom, letting him “drown in the sensuality of being cuddled close to that creamy flesh that must excite even a youth of his tender years.” Uh, he’s like 15. Yeah, I’d say he’s probably excited by that. Most 15 year olds, maybe not. But seriously, let’s not forget that the Dollanganger family definitely believes that the family who sleeps together, stays together (until members of the family start dying and the rest of the family needs to be locked up so no one knows about them, that is). Momma leaves in a flurry of apologies and promises to come back and tell them everything they want to know, and while they forgive her, I can’t believe they believe her. Except I can, because these kids are really dumb. I guess that’s what being a product of incest does to a person.

Cathy and Chris climb into bed together (a definite no-no), and the two of them talk. Cathy is officially losing faith in her mother, upset that Momma is spending money on fancy clothes and jewelry instead of squirreling it away for their new house, and for giving them a TV, but only after her father gave it to her first. They argue pretty much over whether to love their mother or not, before Cathy makes Chris tell her about everything he saw. He tells her that the house is massive, but come on. If she didn’t know that already, she’s even dumber than a he-man-woman-hater like him could imagine.

Chris snuck back to the party, which was just peaking, to look for their mother, but couldn’t find her. Hearing voices, he ducked behind a suit of armor. Who should be coming up the stairs, though, but Momma and her handsome suitor! The man, what a rogue he was!, was trying to pressure their mother into letting him into her bedroom, to see “that fabulous swan bed.” I had no idea fabulous swan bed was slang for that kind of thing… Anyway, Momma agrees but says they can only be there for a minute, lest the other guests start gossiping. The man challenges her, asking her to tell him what, exactly, they would think. What’s next, he’s going to tell her that if she doesn’t show him the bed, he’ll get blue balls and that is SO bad for a guy!

Chris stops there, and Cathy pushes him for more information. He finally admits that they were kissing, and Cathy gets all… descriptive over it. She totally just KNOWS that they were passionate kisses, where “he kissed her, and she let him, and maybe he even touched her breasts, and stroked her buttocks, like I once saw Daddy do when he didn’t know I was in the room and watching.” Yeah, uh, ew, right? These kids need to get out more. Chris admits, without saying what he saw them do, it was pretty intense, because it made him feel sick. And man, if something can make these kids feel sick, it must be pretty gross.

Eventually, Bart hits a double but gets out at second, so he and Momma head back down to the party. Chris takes the opportunity to explore a little bit more. He makes it into the “monster room,” where he’s surrounded by dozens of eyes, all different colors. Jesus Christ, how old is Cathy? It’s like he’s telling a story to the twins, and she’s just eating it up. The more I read these books, the more I realize why mothers don’t want their daughters reading these books. It’s not because of the scandalous content. It’s because it completely reverses every single thing that each wave of feminism ever achieved. It’s reversed all the way up through Twelfth Wave (and if you’re counting, we’re up to the Third Wave right now). I mean, seriously Cathy! Grow some balls!

After discovering that the “monster room” is, in reality, a trophy room where the greatest trophy of all is a life-size portrait of the Evil Grandfather when he was around thirty, Chris sneaks around the house some more, eventually finding Momma’s room with the soon-to-be-infamous Swan Bed. It’s palatial and a little overblown. It’s the kind of thing you’d find in a Disney princess’s bedroom. Momma has a suite of rooms, and in the bedroom there’s a bed shaped like a gigantic swan. Head about to tuck under the wing, an oval mattress, and somewhere there are curtains hung, held back by the swan wing. Every time I read another part of the book, I wonder how VC will top it. And then, somehow, she does. It’s truly amazing, truly.

Cathy presses Chris for some more information, but being the tease he is, he totally holds out on her. What a dick. Cathy realizes, though, that she’ll just have to find this stuff out on her own. And this, my friends, is what we in “the biz” call foreshadowing.

Oh, hello! I didn't see you there!

Hey what's up cats? I wish cats could be spelled with a "w," a la "dawgs." Oh well.


I know that there are still people checking this sucker out, because the internet tells me so. Internet is pretty magical that way. So as you can tell, I've been super slacky. Yeah, I know. You just don't know what it's like! I moved, then I spent a month focussing on getting a job, and then I just felt weird reading Flowers in the Attic in public. Like, before I moved, I guess I wasn't so self concious, even though the chances of me being embarassed in front of someone I knew were so much higher there/then. Plus, let's not forget the greatest factor of all - I'm lazy and have a short attention span.


Anyway, I'm back reading VC, and am working on posts. Expect some new stuff up in the next few days. What with the me having a job and all that, I can't promise a post a day or anything, but I will work on getting something up around once or twice a week. Consider it a New Year's resolution, one which, along with showering three times a week (instead of once every 5-7 days... yeah, I'm gross. But I don't smell).

Chapter 10, or Fun at the XXXmas party!

It’s still Christmas Eve, and the grandparents are having a grand old party. Considering they’re such Bible-thumping apparent Protestant types, I find it hard to believe that they would have a huge party like that, but according to Momma, even though they don’t consume alcohol, they also don’t mind if other people do. Momma promised to sneak down Chris and Cathy, and for possibly the first time in the whole book, she actually keeps her promise. She shows up to their room and leads them downstairs, into a cabinet with a mesh cover. The kids have a perfect view of at least part of the ballroom, and its guests. As they gaze down at the guests, they see their mother. There she is, in all her glory, with a man. Described as tall, dark-haired, mustachioed, and handsome, all I can think is, “She’s dating Tom Selleck?”

Just then, the Grandmother walks in, wearing a non-gray dress. This is an important thing, because she always wears gray. Apparently gray is cheap, and she buys it in bulk and has her clothes made by a seamstress in the village. I don’t really know how this is cheaper than buying clothes, and I think V.C. Andrews is a little… unaware. The kids are so shocked to see their grandmother in a color, it takes them a while to notice their grandfather. But there he is, frail and ancient (67), in a wheelchair. Despite his being a million years old (or 67), he still looks like their father. Just really really old (67). They expected him to look much scarier, but apparently by the time you’re 67 you’re too old to be scary.

The children are soon distracted from their grandparents, however, when several people come by the cabinet. They set their drinks on the cabinet and strike up normal party conversation – gossiping about their hosts. Apparently everyone (or at least everyone in this group at the party) know about their mother, specifically that she married her half-uncle. Obviously they don’t know about the children, but still. No wonder it’s so hard for her father to forgive her. The woman marvels that “those two narrow-minded bigots down there” have forgiven her, while her male companion claims that they have to, what with their other two children being dead. While the woman thinks it’s ironic (without using the word ironic, of course) that the despised child is the one that will inherit everything, the man totally admits to the woman (who is, apparently, his wife) that Corinne is a rich plum and he’s jealous of Bartholomew Winslow (Tom Selleck) for having her. Yeah, Al, that’ll go over really well.

Another group of partiers wander over to the hiding spot, and as soon as they’re gone, Cathy and Chris race back to their room. They sit together to talk about what they saw, and whether or not their mother will really marry that Tom Selleck looking man. Just then, Chris has his most brilliant idea yet – go explore the house. Cathy is afraid of being whipped, and won’t go, but Chris heads up to the attic and digs up a suit that almost fits him and wig. Quite the disguise, but he thinks it will work. He says goodbye to Cathy, and even kisses her goodbye. Before he left, he “seemed impressed and dazzled, just as he had when he gazed so long at Momma’s swelling bosom.” No wonder he kissed her voluntarily, Cathy marvels – it must be because she looks like a princess in her new nightgown. Hm.

The Chicago Public Libraries file their books strangely

I can't even figure it out. It's alphabetical by author's last name, but not by author's first name. So, for example, the V.C. Andrews books aren't all together, they're all around different books by different authors names Andrews. And I don't think they even use the Dewey Decimal System for nonfiction! Strange, strange. I've lived in a lot of places and gone to a lot of libraries, and I've never seen this before.

Anyway, I finally got down to the library with Flowers in the Attic, and will work on writing tonight. I have to go to the library to post it (no internet at home, but the CPL has free wifi!), but I've been going to the library every day anyway. Got to apply for jobs, you know? If you know of anything good in Chicago, let me know! I don't think I've ever applied to so many places! Although, I did get a phone call from one the other day, and had a phone interview. That's a good sign, right?

Stepping out into the fresh air

Alright. It pains me, but I'm going to have to take a break from updating for a few days, at least. I'm moving to another city - I'm actually taking a break from moving ut all my stuff/cleaning my apartment to bask in the miracle of air conditioning and try to not fall asleep because I am so tired in every sense of the word, particularly the physical senses. On top of that, I owe my copy of Flowers in the Attic to the library, so I should probably return that, especially since I just realized that I lost a video somewhere and will owe them money. Never lose library items.

And now, I guess, to finish moving out. This sucks. I'd rather live in an attic for the rest of my life.

Chapter 9, or it's the most incestuous time of the year

The kids have been up in the attic for 100 days now. It seems so much longer than that, only not really. Not that I’ve ever been locked in an attic with nothing to do but lust after my older brother, so maybe I just don’t get it. It’s getting near winter now, and all the plants Momma brought them have died except for their amaryllis. Because they name everything, they named the plant. And what, pray tell, did they name it? Amaryllis. These kids are nothing if not creative.

Soon it’s Thanksgiving Eve, and Momma comes to visit. She brings decorations for them to make the room festive, and promises of a hot turkey dinner, before leaving. The next day, all four children decide to play house. Hardcore. The twins sit on Chris’s lap and listen while he tells them the story of the first Thanksgiving, while Cathy “bustled about like any hausfrau.” I’m so glad that VC is giving young women a strong female character, someone they can look up to. Cathy really is a great role model for a growing girl. She sets the table using all the fancy shit Momma brought them, except for the pilgrim-shaped candles. Cathy just can’t stand the idea of melting such pretty candles. I don’t know why she’s saving them. She really seems to believe that they’re going to be out of the attic soon. What a dumbfuck.

That afternoon, the kids are all sitting around waiting for their turkey. The twins are getting hungry, and apparently Grandmother didn’t bring them a picnic basket that morning because there’s nothing for them to snack on. The older kids sit around reading and letting the twins starve. It’s 1:00, and if this was a movie, the candles would be lit but not melted down too much. Soon it’s 2:00 and they’re all starving. By now, the candles would be about half melted. Momma comes in after 3:00, when the candles would be barely alive in their pools of wax, bringing cold turkey dinners and excuses. Her evil father threw a wrench in her plans by deciding to eat with everyone else, so she wasn’t able to bring their tray up with his. Instead, she had to sneak off every once in a while to take some food and hide it, in order to bring it up stairs. For the third time in a row, I have to ask – how the hell is she sneaking this stuff up there? How does no one notice? Especially on a day like Thanksgiving when they have guests over. This makes no sense. After all her hard work and sacrifices (like making a fool of herself in front of the guests), the twins won’t eat any of the food. I don’t blame them. I don’t like cold turkey either, and some of this food sounds gross – cranberry jelly with nuts and sour cream. This must be some kind of fucked-up Southern family delicacy. After the meal, Cathy starts cleaning up. This is actually a shock, because we know how he can be, but Chris helps her pick up the dishes and wash them, and he even picks up his dirty socks. Once everything is clean, the twins eat some PBJ sandwiches, and Cathy wonders why they like that “junk.” I don’t know, because it’s not cranberry sauce covered with sour cream?

The next day, Cory gets sick, and Carrie follows two days later. They get worse quickly, and Momma takes a week off from secretarial school. This is like the sneaking things upstairs thing. How does she explain this? “Oh, hey Dad. I don’t need the car this week. I’m going to spend the next 7 days up in the attic. I’m going on a spiritual journey. Sort of a vision quest. I’ll see you next week, or at dinner. We’ll see!” Whatever excuse she uses, Momma spends lots of time taking care of the sick kids, and wants to take them to the hospital. She and Grandma argue over whether it’s a cold or the flu, and Gran says they’ll be better in nine days. She’s only a syllable off; their raging fevers break after nineteen days. Yeah that week at the beginning really helped. By the end of it, the twins are asking why Momma doesn’t visit anymore and if she hates them. Because you’re evil, and yes.

Once the twins are better, Momma wants to stave off future illness by having the kids eat bananas and take vitamins. Or is it breath mints? Diet pills? Diet pills! Cathy gives her a hard time, saying that the twins got sick from being inside too much, and thinks that it’s time Momma get the money to move them into an apartment of their own. Momma tells her that they can’t afford to because Cathy stole the money out of the safe and took it to Atlantic City where it’s now recirculating, and that money was going to buy their new house. Then Cory takes off his top in front of Rex Manning. Oh wait, no. Instead, Chris yells at Cathy for giving Momma a hard time. He’s all “Be nice to her! I want to do her! Besides, do you think she’s happy with her kids locked in the attic?” Uh, yeah, I think she is happy that way.

A few more days have passed, and it’s Christmas Eve. The kids decide to make their grandmother a Christmas present. They spend all day gluing rocks to a piece of cloth. It sounds beautiful. It sounds like if you took the Christmas ornaments I made when I was 7 and covered them with dog poop, it sounds that lovely. When they wake up on Christmas morning, they find a room full of goodies. They all get candy and new robes and lots of toys. This must suck. I mean, it’s awesome getting new things, but since the room is stuffed with new things, it’s going to suck when they have to move everything out for the maids to clean at the end of the month.

Soon Grandmother comes in, all bitchy per usual. They sit there in silence (they’re not supposed to speak to her first, remember?) while she brings them their picnic basket. Cathy picks up the present they made for her (and wrapped!) . It takes like 5 pages, but basically Cathy takes it to her, and Grandmother looks at it, looks at Cathy, looks at the package, and walks out. Cathy flips her lid. She throws the package on the ground and starts stomping on it.

Not long after that, Momma comes in with their biggest presents. First is an old dollhouse that originally belonged to the grandmother, and then to her. It’s very old and very valuable, because it’s full of scale things that are like the real thing. That makes no sense. Okay. All the stuff is real – the Persian rugs, the Bible all of it. She also gives them a TV that was actually from her father. Yeah, she regifted. What a bitch. Her next big present is the news that, because she’s now become the dutiful daughter he always wanted, her father is going to write her back into his will. She’s pleased him so much, in fact, he’s throwing a party for her reintroduction to society that night. Cathy and Chris beg their way in, and she tells them she’ll help them sneak out and spy on the party.

The chapter ends with the twins playing with the dollhouse. When it was their grandmother’s, it was kept in a glass case and she couldn’t play with it. When it was Momma’s, she was whipped for breaking one of the dolls (and trying to see it naked). Cathy wonders what the twins will break, and what their punishment will be. I’m guessing nothing because this dollhouse obviously isn’t checked up on too much if Momma can bring it up to the kids in the attic.